“Body positivity” and “body resilience” are terms that are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing.
I believe as more women come to understand the difference between these philosophies, the more peaceful their relationship might become with their self-image.
Body positivity encourages us to love our bodies, no matter what. This ideology fundamentally rejects societal standards of beauty and the unrealistic expectations it places on women. On the surface this seems almost ideal, even amazing. The issue is that it still encourages us to focus on how we look. It puts the spotlight on our physical appearance.
And therein lies the problem.
Because no matter how positive you feel about your body on any given day, we all have bad body-image days.
Body Resilience
Body resilience teaches us that no matter what we look like, we have worth. We can accept that the world around us idealizes certain bodies and images, and although this might hurt us at times, we know that we belong in the world exactly as we are.
Remember that many women experience negative body-image days—even women who are living in a body they might believe is ideal most of the time. There is solidarity in realizing this and helping each other build strategies to strengthen self-image.
Over the years, I have used different techniques to manage negative feelings about my body, and I still refer to them on days when I am feeling low.
1. Acknowledge that I am having a tough body-image day and just sit with it. Instead of suppressing my dissatisfaction, I let it run its course. I don’t try to hide from it or resist it. Because body image is so fickle and easily influenced, I know that it’s possible I will see something and feel something very different in five minutes. Ultimately, I make the decision that I don’t want it to ruin my day, and I move on.
2. I will vent to my husband about it. Sometimes you just need to let someone know how you’re feeling. That might be a best friend you need to text or a supportive partner you can just say the quiet stuff out aloud to. You aren’t asking for validation. You just need to tell someone how you feel. And maybe you need a hug.
3. I move my body. Sometimes that’s a workout and sometimes it’s a walk in nature. Just connecting to my physical power grounds me again. I feel confident and strong. This is not done to burn calories or shrink myself. It’s done to remind me that my body’s purpose isn’t to look good. It’s to be good to me and for me.
Acceptance and Self-Care
In my 40s, I practice body neutrality. My body looks the way it looks and feels and performs the way it does because of so many factors. Some of those I can control, and some I cannot. I know for certain I don’t want to spend time hating the way I look.
There are other coping skills you can develop, such as curating your social-media feed, actively pushing back against unrealistic ideals and celebrating body diversity. It wilk take time and practice to acquire all the tools you need to manage tough body-image days.
If you have goals of changing your physical appearance, I understand this. I know after years of coaching that many people have this same desire. I always encourage my clients to frame this goal carefully and reflect on why they want to change. Chasing the next 5-lb. fat-loss goal just for the sake of it is a slippery slope.
I believe you can have a balance of aesthetic and health-related goals, but if you struggle with body image, perhaps working on body resilience would make you happier and healthier in the long run.
